A Story - On Choosing Happiness

I met Sushma in Singapore in 1982. I was 33 years old and she was 18. She was the daughter of an Indian father and a Chinese mother - and beautiful. For 15 years I had travelled the world. I had girlfriends but never considered marriage. I knew within 5 minutes of meeting Sushma that she would be my wife, and we married within a year.

I had an electronic trading business in Spain at that time and Sushma moved there with me. In March 1987 our only son, Jordi, was born. We lived in Europe until he was four years old. When my work took me to Nigeria we decided that it would be safest-and best for Jordi's education-if he and Sushma moved to Singapore.

It was while I was in Nigeria, on 23 May 1991 that i received a 2.00am telephone call from my friends at my office. Sushma had been in an accident in Singapore-her car had hit a tree on Bukit Timah Rd. Hoping for the best, I packed my bags to return home, but within hours I received a second call with the news that Sushma had died. I went crazy. I cried and cried for weeks. I cried that I had lost my wife-but most of all I cried for my four-year-old son. How would Jordi manage without his mother? How would I raise him?

My first commitment to my son was that I would never marry again until he was an adult. I decided that Jordi should continue to live and be educated in Singapore. He stayed with his grandparents during school. During vacations he joined me in Africa and Europe.

We travelled the world as buddies-toGermany, Austria, South Africa and Brazil. He was my fun-loving best friend, my companion, my soul mate. Together we discovered a world that he could never find in books.

I moved to Bali in 2001 to start a new life and create the business I have now. Jordi loved coming to Bali for his vacations. By mid 2006 Jordi finished high school and came to stay with me. He wanted a motor bike and I bought him one as a graduation present.

Then on 20 September the police called me at 2.00am. Jordi had had an accident. By the time I arrived at the hospital he was already blue. He died within ten minutes. He was 19.

First my wife, then my son.

I was numb. My entire world collapsed. I walked in the forest for four days, in a daze. Everywhere I went I saw Jordi. I took a trip to Thailand to try to heal. Still I would see him. I returned to Bali and on the anniversary of the 40th day, we held a church ceremony for him.

The months went by and, slowly, I began to live my life again. Perhaps my 13 years in Africa helped me to deal with my loss. The European says, "This should not have happened!" The African says "It happened. Life goes on." I could say "Why did I allow him to ride that bike?" But would that help?

If through sadness you can fix the future, then do it! But being sad doesn't fix the future.

I have no regrets. I did everything I could with my son. I gave him the most I could give. And my life now? I am an artist. I create. I carve. I enjoy animals. I enjoy the people I meet. All my possessions I value at nothing.

You never know how you will react to tragedy. It's like when you imagine a tiger jumping through your window. You say "If a tiger leaped into my lounge room, I would do this!' But when the real tiger arrives, you do something totally different.

I wake up every day choosing to be happy. What can possibly hurt me now? What can worry me now? Life is like a movie. It's not the length but the quality that matters.

There is no secret to happiness. You just choose it.

(From the book: Happiness in Hard Times by Andrew Matthews)

This story inspired me, and I hope it inspires you too...

with love,
mel

How to be Happy?

Happy is such a simple word, but to actually really feel it inside us is quite the opposite. I've been reading this book called "Happiness in Hard Times". It is one of my favourite book now. I can just start at any page and it is like a supplement to my soul now.

So, the first chapter of the book is about "Acceptance". The author said that the first thing to do and the only thing to do is to accept where we are right now. To turn things around us, we must first make peace with our situation. Forget about blame, forget about guilt, forget the "what ifs". Acceptance does not mean giving up. It is a recognition that "This is a part of my journey." Very often it means "Right now I have no idea why this had to be a part of my journey but I embrace it anyway."

In a Nutshell: Acceptance is power

So I am embracing "this" now and I hope that this first step will lead me to finding happiness within myself soon...

First entry for a new beginning

Happy New Year to all of us! I hope this new year will bring us many happiness and many dreams getting fulfilled.

I promised myself that I will write more this year, and learn to express myself better. So here I am on the second day of the new year, writing my first blog.

I have been feeling kind of lost, down and tired lately. All those negative feeling seem to resurface at the end of every year. But on the 31th, the last day of 2009, I told myself that I should closed and welcomed the new chapter of the year with laughter, not by feeling sorry about myself.

So, I went out with couple of friends for dinner. Nothing fancy. Just the three of us, because the other two friends bailed out on us. I was a bit worried that it might be an awkward night since my friends were not quite close with each other. But it turned out great! My bestie and her husband came to join us after, then one of the friends who bailed out on us came too. It was fun. We then move to another place to hang out and to do the New Year's countdown because this restaurant was closing.

I came home and I prayed to God. Thanking God for a good 2009 and praying for a better 2010.

I am still not myself, not feeling all great yet. But I am working on it. One baby step at a time...